Four Loko Ditches The Caffeine

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Four Loko has caved to the pressure from "The Man" and FDA officials. But instead of killing the product altogether they're pulling a Sparks and removing the caffeine. Remember Sparks? Remember when they removed the caffeine? Have you had one since? Exactly.

I was hoping that Four Loko would take this battle all the way because frankly it's their only chance of survival. They might have eventually won if they hung in there but now, well they're fucked. The taste of a Four Loko is vile, to put it mildly, but people are willing to choke it down because a kick of alcohol and caffeine is a nice way to pre-game. But now we're left with a molten hobo piss flavored malt beverage. There's at least twenty other beer/malt beverages in your average corner store that only mildly taste of piss so why Four Loko ever again?

We here at Booze Party aren't just going to complain though, we're going to solve this dilemma once and for all. Four Loko, here's what you do: Release your caffeine-less booze drink in half size cans. Also release half size cans of Four Loko energy drink without booze. Every flavor will have a boozy version and caffeine version available in the store. Simply purchase your matching pair, mix and viola! Good, old fashioned Four Loko - like grandma used to make. In fact, istead of charging an average price of $2.50 per can, like you do now, you sell each can for $2, so essentially you make an extra $1.50 per purchase. Genius, huh? Evil genius...and you're welcome. Send us 1,000 cases and your finest women.

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